


Tomorrow

by NozomiPower



Series: Musicals Killed Me [3]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Dialogue Heavy, Heavy Angst, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Sad, Sad Ending, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 23:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12641277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NozomiPower/pseuds/NozomiPower
Summary: "I want to remember him/her. That's what I want them to say."In which someone dies because they were a good actor





	Tomorrow

_ Dear Evan Hansen, _

 

_ Today is going to be a good day, and here's why. _

 

_ Because today, you'll finally make a sound. _

 

_ Your best friend, your boyfriend, your friends.  _

 

_ They'll hear you. _

 

_ Your mom, she'll hear. Your dad, he'll hear. Your teachers, they'll hear. _

 

_ I will hear. _

 

_ Thank you so much, everyone. I'm finally going to make a sound. _

 

_ I am the only one who deserves to disappear. I will never be found. I deserve to be forgotten. No one will come running. _

 

_ And that's fine. _

 

_ It's all I want. _

 

_ Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend. _

 

_ Me _

**_-Flashback-_ **

"Yeah, no. Evan, there is no way in hell I'm going to go to that stupid dance."

 

"We-well, what if Jace-what if Jace asked you?"

 

"I'd say yes in a heartbeat."

 

"Then, my good Jared, you gorgeous man, will you go to Prom with me?"

 

Jared whips around to see his boyfriend, Jace, standing with a bouquet of flowers and a big, nervous smile.

 

"Oh my god. Evan, did you, were you, who did, when-"

 

"J-just give him an ans-answer."

 

Jared popped up, and rushed Jace. He wrapped his arms around his middle, and buried his head in Jace's chest.

 

"Of course I'll go to Prom with you!"

 

The happiness in the air wasn't lost to anyone.

 

**_-Flashback End-_ **

Evan stood at the altar, his black suit uncomfortable, but a good grounder for what was happening.

 

"I can't sa-say that I knew-that I knew that he f-fel-felt like this."

 

He looked down at his hands. He sighed.

 

"I'm not sure what to say. I loved him so much. He mattered so much to me. I'm just sad that he may not have seen that."

 

Evan looks up, staring outwards, towards the picture of the smiling boy on the wall opposite of him.

 

"I can't help but think that this is my fault. He...I always ended up pushing him away. It was always because I was scared. I don't know why I was, but I was scared of telling him just how much he mattered to me. I have no words to say about how I feel. I can no longer express this correctly."

 

He pulled something from his pocket.

 

"I wanted to read this to him, at least once. Now, I'll never get to hear his laugh, see his smile. But, I still want him to hear this."

 

Evan clears his throat. 

 

In.

 

Out.

 

"This is called In, Out, No Doubt."

 

Evan stared at the paper for a few moments, and wiped his tears away. He needed to do this. Even if there was no way he would hear it, he wanted to read it.

 

"In, Out

Have no more doubt

You are loved

And you loved

More than you should've

 

In, Out

Show us your light in a single bout

In, Down

Your light kills the single most angry frown

In, No way

Because you used to repeat that One Day

In, Sorrow

Because you have no tomorrow

In, Light

Out, Dark

You leave us again

Put up no fight

We found you in a park

 

In, Out

Breath goes deep

In, Out

 

Breath goes deep

Into the world's air

Breath goes deep

 

Into the world's air

Goes your will to live

Into the world's air

Goes your will to live

Away with you

Goes your will to live

 

Away with you

And now happiness goes

Away with you

 

And now happiness goes

Like your tomorrow did

And now happiness goes"

 

Evan steps down from the altar, silent. The next person steps up, someone dressed in a pair of black overalls, over a white button up, and a dark gray jacket. They have very long hair, pulled into a ponytail. Tear stains adorn their face, connecting their freckles in a twisted constellation.

 

"Ahem. My name is Jace Hansen-Salazar. I just...right after Prom too."

 

Jace laughs a shaky laugh. He wipes tears from his eyes, and pushes forward.

 

"He used to say to me these weird things. They should've thrown me off, but he always said them when I was about to sleep, and anyone who knows me knows I don't have any consciousness left in me after 6."

 

A laugh flits through the room. Jace smiles. The room seems brighter.

 

"The only one that really stuck out to me was one he said to me late, but before I left for my house. He said to me, 'Jace. When I die, I have one thing I want people to say. 'I want to remember him.' That's what I want them to say.' And I responded with, 'Of course they'll remember you. You're you.' And his face lights up, and we say our goodbyes."

 

Jace clears his throat, not bothering to wipe his tears now.

 

"I wrote him a song. A few, really. And I would sing for him and speak Tagalog and Latin and dance and sing in Tagalog and read my bedtime stories and tell him about all out little legends and myths and he would smile and laugh so hard, it hurt. It hurts. I miss him so much. I wrote a song about him, about his laugh, and I just can't. I hope he's smiling, listening to all the musicals he can, cause he's always loved musicals. And I hope he finds a place where people will accept him forever. I hope he's singing with the angels. I hope he waits. When I go to him, I'll be wrinkly and old, because I always promised that I was going to open a bakery and that we would bake so much bread for all our friends. And he just...right after Prom too. And in a park."

 

Jace furiously wiped his face, glaring down the picture ahead of him. He began to speak, slowly.

 

"I hated the way he would look at me. I thought I was a freak. It was drilled in my head that if I wasn't pale, I wasn't worth it. But he looked at me like a saint. Like I was this magical being that came out of nowhere to save him. But I'm not. I couldn't save him. And even though it probably wasn't my place to, I can't help but feel that I'm to blame. He brought me out of a bad place, only to fall into his own. Ya'know, a line from one of his favorite musicals really works here."

 

Jace smiles, bitter.

 

"Hasa diga eebowai. You hear me? Hasa. Diga. Eebowai. Thank you."

 

Jace steps from the altar, silent. Everyone watches as another young man makes his way up. Brown hair, gorgeous eyes. Pale skin. Tear tracks.

 

"I'm going to be blunt. I hated this boy for like, the first 16 years of my life."

 

Another laugh.

 

"But, somehow, he grew on me. And it seems that he and I had more in common than we thought. I always kind of envied him, but I just, God, I told him that no one deserved to be forgotten. I even wrote a stupid song."

 

He sang lowly, still loud enough to be heard.

 

"No one deserves to be forgotten   
No one deserves to fade away   
No one should come and go   
And have no one know he was ever even here   
No one deserves to disappear   
To disappear   
Disappear"

 

Connor stops, tearful.

 

"I would send him snippets of it, and he would reply with him singing it. It made me giddy, like a schoolgirl. It was gross."

 

Laughter, again. It seems like the room isn't so dark now.

 

"But now my buddy is gone. And it hurts. When I first met him, I didn't like him at all. I almost punched him in the nose! But, I didn't, and I'm glad for that. Thank you."

 

Connor's was short, but full of him. 

 

"Ahem, I, uh, I wanted to thank all of you. Please, let us never forget this boy. And, he said there was a song he always wanted played at his funeral. We took him seriously, but we never expected to have to play it so soon. Thank you."

 

Melinda Kleinman stepped down from the altar, and a song began to play.

 

"I was brought up in taffeta dresses   
And taught to be pretty and precious   
And spending my playtimes with plastic princesses   
Who all had these bodies   
Just utterly ludicrous   
Minuscule waists and huge boobs and it's   
All nipple-less and no pubes   
And no creases   
I mean, Jesus   
It's pretty confusing   
Especially at six"

 

After just the first verse, people were already tearing up. Jared loved musicals, especially Groundhog Day.

 

"In that fairy tale world all the girls end up "happy ever after"   
Wooing their knights in shining armor   
But some nights down the track   
You can bet they'll be trapped   
Spending nights in, shining armor   
While their knights spend their nights at a bar   
Or at a ball with some harlot   
I'm not bitter   
It's just better that I don't fall for all that   
Romantic bullshit now that I'm older

 

Although I don't mind the thought of being tossed over a shoulder   
And trotted off to a mansion   
By some ruggedly handsome   
Man in a fireman helmet   
And have him just use me for sex   
As I say, it's a little complex

 

One day, some day   
My prince may come   
But it doesn't seem likely   
And even if he came and he liked me   
It's likely he'd be   
Not quite my type

 

Some day, they say   
He'll come riding up on the back of a horse   
But, of course, I'm allergic to horses   
How will I tell him?   
He'll just have to sell him   
  


I went to school with a girl   
I remember her well   
She was pretty smart   
And pretty as hell   
Her folks had a farm   
But she wouldn't stay of course   
She wanted Prince Charming   
So she went to L.A. of course   
  


Managed to seduce a   
Famous actor or producer   
Shacked up in a house in the hills   
With a cat and a juicer   
And a fancy car and a tennis court   
But the guy wasn't quite the catch she thought she'd caught   
  
He treats her like trash and then   
You know the drill   
Takes his cat and his cash and   
Finds some younger girl   
So she's left with this stupid Corvette   
And an empty swimming pool which she fills with regret   
Smart girl, but kind of dumb

 

And I'd rather be lonely than sit on my fanny   
Waiting for my prince to come   
  
One day, some day   
He'll come sweeping in and sweep me off my feet   
And spend the next four decades wanting to cheat on me   
Getting less handsome   
And fighting his dragons   
  
He'd know what to wear, he'd have a full head of hair   
And his eyes would be brown, or blue, or green   
Well, I don't care   
And his body would be toned   
With those pecs like you get at the gym   
But he won't spend all his time at the gym   
And he'll love reading books   
He'll be an excellent cook   
He'll be good looking but not too aware of his looks   
He'll be tender but tough   
And smart but not smug   
And attentive but not fawning   
And he'll smell good in the morning   
And he'll dance   
  


And like hiking   
And baking and biking   
I'm not picky, I just ask   
That he likes me, and I like him   
And I'd rather be alone   
If the only other option   
Is succumb and settle down   
With some condescending clown   
With a great rating from some dating service   
Some self-professing Mr. Perfect   
Another narcissistic legend   
Made a million out of hedge funds   
Another sexually ineffectual   
Self-obsessing metrosexual   
Pseudointellectual   
Getting drunk and existential   
Every time the Steelers lose a game   
Thanks, but perhaps some other day   
  


One day, some day   
My prince may come   
But I won't hold my breath   
There's only divorcées and weirdos left   
And weird is fine   
But not all the time

 

One day, some day   
My prince will come   
So the fairy tales said   
Thirty years later it's still in my head   
That if I screw a frog   
I will wake in a four-poster bed"

 

Jace was full on bawling as of now. Jared always said he fit Rita's vision of a man, but he hadn't believed him. Turns out, he was right.

 

"There was a day with a girl                      There was a day   
I remember it well   
Her name was                                                With a girl   
Janine..   
Or JaneAnn..   
Or Joelle

                                                                         It's Joelle   
  
We drank piña coladas   
Watched the sun setting over 

the bay                                                           Watched the sun setting over 

                                                                         the bay   
  
We made love in the sand                         We made love in the sand   
And when we were through   
We went back to her room                        When we were through   
And watched Ghostbusters II                   Back to my room

                                                                          Ghostbusters II   
Smoked half a joint   
                                                                          Smoked half a joint   
And ate half a pound of pâté   
                                                                          It was way too much pâté   
Why couldn't that be my   
One day?

 

_ One day _ , some day

I'll cut down on fried chicken take-away

My doctor said one day my heart will stop tickin'

Unless I cut down on that chicken

I will do it, one day

 

_ One day _ I'll stop drinking so much

 

I'll stop dating men who are twenty years older

 

I'll get a new safety clip for my holster

It opens too quick

I'll do it next week

 

_ One day _ , I'll get a new coffee maker

 

_ Someday _ , I will buy her a ring

 

One day death will come to everyone

 

_ One day _ I'll learn how to sing

 

One day                                                     These endless first dates

Some day                                                  That start with her hating me

My prince may come

But it doesn't seem likely                     It just doesn't seem likely

                                                                    That I'm gonna get her to like me

Phil, you bought me candy                  

                                                                    I bought you candies

                                                                    Can I get in your panties now

 

One day                                                     One day is not enough

Some day                                                  I've had enough

I'll wake in the arms                             I'm not enough

Of an actual man                                    I'm not your Fictional Man  

Who will love me for all that I           It's just me

am                                                              I can't be anymore than I am

With all that he is                                  This is all that there is!

 

Ok, Phil, we're on in                             One day

Five, four, three, two                            One day

Ok, Phil, we're on in                             One day

Five, four, three, two                            One day

Ok, Phil, we're on in                             One day

Five, four, three, two

 

Two

 

Whattaya know? It's Groundhog Day

 

Tomorrow spring will come, and then

There will be blue skies my friend

Bright eyes and laughter

 

Tomorrow, there will be sun                  You can curse, cast spells or

                                                                        cry

But if not tomorrow                                  Offer your prayers to the 

                                                                        unfeeling sky

Perhaps the day aaaaaaaa                       The spring will arrive when the

                                                                        winter is done

                                                                        And if it's not tomorrow

                                                                        Then tomorrow, then

                                                                        tomorrow

                                                                        Then tomorrow…"

 

Tomorrow. One thing that Jared can no longer have. Everyone was crying for 8 minutes straight, and it was terrible. Jace sobbed, wailed, bawled. It was gross. But Jared had always wanted him to sing that song for him. Jace never did, because he said he wasn't good at bitter songs.

 

Boy was Jace wrong.

 

Everyone filed out after looking back at the casket. They decided to have an open casket funeral, and everyone except Jace had looked. One glance was all he needed.

 

God, Jared was beautiful.

 

"Jared. You are still beautiful, even in death. I don't understand. You did it the night of Prom. Right after we left, after you went inside your house. I wish you hadn't. I wish you still here, to wrap me up tight, carry me to my house, because you knew I loved being carried. I wish you were still here with me. If this is a nightmare, I hope it ends soon. I know it's wishful thinking, but I can't have you gone. You mean too much to me."

 

Jace takes a breath, and pulls a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket.

 

"You really wrote this? Wow, and here I was hoping it was a prank."

 

" _ Dear Evan Hansen, _

 

_ Today is going to be a good day, and here's why. _ "

 

As a final testament, Jace pulls Jared's glasses off his face, and sets them next to his face.

 

"You need to remember to take off your glasses before you sleep. And when you wake, you can put them on, and I will be there.

 

Jace steps away from the casket, and walks away to join Evan, Connor, Zoe, Alana, Alistair, Luce, Evalynne, and Maria. All the people that loved Jared so much, but couldn't help him see that.

 

And now Jared would never see that.


End file.
